Caring for a loved one is one of the most significant challenges life can present. We're here for the families and friends of our patients, too. Whether it’s to have a safe space to share feelings or to remember the memory of loved ones. Heartland Hospice serving Raleigh-Durham was faced with challenges this year when it came to planning their annual memorial service. However, instead of the typical in-person service that is held each year, the team was able to plan several events that ensured the participants would stay safe. Kristin Lassiter, bereavement coordinator, tells about the drive-thru events:

“2020 has taken the wind from our sails in many ways, but it cannot take our memories! Instead of our typical memorial service, this year found us in various parking lots offering family and friends a chance to remember. We celebrated lives of those whom we greatly miss. We held four drive-thru memorial services at different locations to make it as convenient as possible for family members. We had about 150 people attend who represented about 75 loved ones during the four events.

We asked them to bring a ribbon to represent their loved one. Some were written on with marker and some were even embroidered. The family members hung their ribbons on the memorial display and before they left, we gave them a small glass sailboat candle holder and a poem to help them remember their loved one.

We are so thankful to those who joined us and took time to honor the memory of the person they love. We felt honored hearing the thoughts and stories shared about each loved one and we recognize the privilege of being included in the grief journey of our patients’ families.

We hope that those who attended were blessed with memories of their loved ones. It was great to see the smiles brought to their faces while sharing stories, even if there were also a few tears.”

Kinsley Lewis-Cobb, Spiritual Care Coordinator for Heartland Hospice serving Raleigh-Durham, shares her thoughts on what it means to be a Spiritual Care Coordinator and tells a wonderful story about how spiritual care provided comfort for a recent patient’s family.

“It is wonderful when you find an opportunity to do something you love; for me, that is chaplaincy. To be a stranger invited to meet a family at the end stages of a loved one’s life, which is such a vulnerable space and time, is humbling to me.

I was invited by the family of Eloise Stewart to be her Chaplain. When I first met Ms. Stewart and her family, she was imminent. Ms. Stewart was bedbound, not very responsive and she slept during my visits. I read scriptures to her and prayed with her. During this time, I got to know her daughter, Donna, very well. She was her mother’s primary caregiver and I spent most of my visits listening and engaging in conversation with her. Sadly, Ms. Stewart passed away after a month of receiving hospice care. When Donna asked if I could speak at her mother’s funeral, I was delighted. She shared several stories that were touching and showed she had wonderful memories of her mother.

 When I speak about the life of an individual at their funeral service, I try to find something that is simple, yet meaningful, to share. Donna shared a story of her mother growing up during the Great Depression. She always said, ‘It starts with a penny.’ Every time she found a penny, she picked it up and made a funny comment about it. Ms. Stewart’s daughters, Debbie, Donna and Denise, fondly recalled these moments with their mom. Because of this, I gave each of her daughters a penny in remembrance of their mother.

While speaking at her funeral, my final words about their mother, were, ‘Mrs. Eloise V. Stewart lived an extraordinary life. She came from humble beginnings in Erwin, North Carolina. She grew up during the time of the Great Depression; a time when our country was at its lowest. I believe because of those humble times she found value in the simple things in life; like a lost penny. Some may even think a single penny left alone is insignificant and has very little value, but a single penny collected with other pennies has great impact if nurtured, respected and loved.’

A week later, I received a wonderful message from Donna:

‘Hi, Kinsley. Thank you so much for performing Mom’s funeral service. Just on the little I told you, you certainly captured her character. The pennies you gave us mean so much because we know what a penny meant to our mother. In fact, we appreciate it so much, we are having necklaces made with them. Thank you for giving us something in memory of Mom. Some might think it is odd to cherish a penny, but Mom worked so hard her entire life and always said it started with a penny! It was wonderful spending time with you and we wish you well, always. Thank you!’”

Listen to Dr. Shayne Ladak, MD, CMD, Heartland Hospice Serving Raleigh-Durham Medical Director, discuss his experience with hospice care. He explains when he first encountered hospice, what encouraged him to complete further hospice and palliative care training and how thankful he is for the team he works with at Heartland. He also discusses how Heartland is responding to the pandemic and continuing to provide the best possible care for our patients.

Heartland Hospice Serving Raleigh-Durham made sure to honor the veterans in their local communities during the novel coronavirus pandemic. Heartland spent a week safely visiting facilities to drop off baskets for their veteran patients and to salute them safely following social distancing guidelines.

Joshua-Paul Johnian Sr., Heartland Hospice Assistant Administrator, worked with the Heartland team to explore creative ways to honor their veteran patients during Memorial Day. The Heartland Supportive Services team created and distributed over 80 “liberty baskets” filled with American flags, “Heartland Salutes Veteran” pins, personalized certificates, tasty treats and a commemorative glass with a soldier’s poem enclosed. The Heartland staff also presented a Memorial Day wreath at Raleigh Memorial Park.

“I believe this was a significant step forward with our facility partners, families and most of all our patients,” said Joshua.

Matthew Pagani, Heartland Hospice Account Liaison, helped make this extra special to our veteran patients by safely visiting the facilities to honor and salute while in full military dress. Matthew has served in the National Guard since 2010 and is currently serving as Captain in the North Carolina Army National Guard. “Safely meeting women and men on our hospice services who have served and came from some of the greatest generations our country has ever seen was extremely humbling for me this week,” said Matthew.

“When one of the residents at an assisted living facility said she didn’t feel right saluting me because she couldn’t stand up, I just wanted to cry. Her level of respect to want to follow military etiquette was so incredible to me, but the fact that she wanted to stand up but could not, just crushed my heart.”

“Each and every salute I received was such an incredible experience for me. Just getting saluted by people who I know have served in the Korean War, Vietnam War and a World War is enough to humble me to levels I have never experienced before. Thinking about the sacrifices they have made and things they’ve endured makes me really think about how grateful I am to have my freedom in this country.”

“Being able to serve veterans in any capacity is very near and dear to my heart and knowing that I have helped veterans through my work with Heartland means more than I can even put into words. I wish I could do more every day,” said Matthew.